


Anything You Need That's What I'll Be

by ShanleenKinnJaskey



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Blindness, Dreams, Flashbacks, I Made Myself Cry, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Immortal Merlin, M/M, Multi, Post-Canon, Rapunzel Elements, Reincarnation, School Shootings, Visions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-04-24
Packaged: 2018-03-20 01:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3632277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShanleenKinnJaskey/pseuds/ShanleenKinnJaskey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>History teacher Bradley James has been blind his whole life, but is well adapted to it. He applies for a teaching position at a local high school and meets Colin Morgan, a light-hearted Literature teacher, who he finds he recognizes the voice of despite having never met before, but notices that Colin is hiding something.<br/>There is something hiding beneath Colin's innocent exterior, a secret people have kidnapped and murdered to try to get. Not everything is as it seems, and Colin is far more than meets the eye.<br/>Or the ear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Taste The Pain Right On My Tongue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cas_tielle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cas_tielle/gifts), [Steamcraft](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steamcraft/gifts), [clotpolesonly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/clotpolesonly/gifts), [Bellobelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellobelle/gifts).



> Title is from "You Can Come To Me" by Ross Lynch.
> 
> Cast:  
> Bradley James- Arthur  
> Colin Morgan- Merlin  
> Tom Hopper- Percival  
> Katie McGrath- Morgana  
> Angel Coulby- Gwen  
> Eoin Macken- Gwaine  
> Principal John Hurt- Kilgharrah
> 
> More characters will beintroduced along the way.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So when he saw the man he'd known, he'd served, he'd almost died for, he'd been kidnapped and tortured for, he'd believed in, he'd protected, he'd buried, and he'd loved beyond description, it was a miracle that he didn't fall to his knees in front of his prince and sob his heart out, begging for forgiveness for letting him die so many times. This was Arthur, was his soul and body, no matter what thin guise of a different name he wore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title comes from "Love Again" by Pentatonix.

_***~*~***_

_**"The beautiful bird sits no longer singing in the nest; the cat has got it, and will scratch out your eyes as well. Rapunzel is lost to you; you will never see her again."** _

_*~*~*_  

_"You try to gain my trust_

_Talking is not enough_

_Actions speak louder than words_

_You gotta show me something_

_My heart is missing some pieces_

_I need this puzzle put together again..."_

_-Danity Kane,_ Damaged 

_*~*~*_

 

Bradley James was blind. He didn't feel sorry for himself because of it or anything- he had been born this way. He did not know color. To him, green was the smell of grass and fields, while blue was the crash of waves against a beach or sorrow in a person’s voice. Red was a painful cut or a crush on someone (not that those had ever worked out, as he was gay), and yellow was warmth, the sun's rays on his skin.

Everyone's voice had a color associated with it, or rather sensations others attributed to that color. His best friend Gwaine's voice was 'red', the color of passion and fighting. His half-sister Katie's was purple, the color of power and ambition, and her slightly geeky boyfriend Tom's voice was yellow, the color of intellect and happiness.

He'd been told that his hair was yellow and that his eyes were blue, but to him it didn't matter, just as when he was told that he was handsome. He only worked out to stay healthy, not to attract the unwanted attention of ogling women (and a few men, he suspected).

However, finding out he was blind often turned many people off. He was fine with that- it helped narrow down the crowd, showing him who only liked him superficially and who really cared about him on the inside.

Today he felt great as he walked out of the principal's office, secure in his new job. He would start as a history teacher next week. He was familiar with his slides and what he needed to teach. He had notes in normal writing that his friend Eoin Macken had written down as he had dictated it. They were titled in braille so that he could know which one he needed to use, and he was so comfortable with this time period in history that he could spit out any fact you needed. He'd always loved history- there was something comforting about having something that would always stay the same and couldn't change when he left for a while and then came back.

All he had to do before starting classes was too make sure that he knew his classroom. He had to check the projector and his desk, as well as get a mental plan for the layout of the room so he could walk without bumping into desks while teaching.

"To the desk, gal," he said to Aithusa, his seeing-eye dog. She recognized the command and gently nudged him to the closest table, which he knew was the desk of the secretary he'd been introduced to on his way in. Angel Coulby, he remembered her name being. She'd been a warm woman with a honest, pink voice- honesty and approachability.

"Excuse me, Miss Coulby," he said with a smile, "But can you please show me how to get to Room 113?" That was the room that Principal Hurt had assigned him to.

"Sorry," She said, and the lilt to her voice told him she was being honest, "But I'm a bit busy with paperwork. Beginning of the school year and all, you know? Here, I'll just have Colin show you if that's okay. He teaches English- I think his specialty was in Arthurian Literature. Luckily I know he's here today."

"That's fine, Miss Coulby," he said politely, and she called in "Colin Morgan" over the intercom. Bradley had Aithusa guide him over to the side and into a seat as he tried to wait patiently for Colin to come. He wasn't a patient man normally, and hated to have to rely on help from others. Thank goodness it only took a couple of minutes for someone to knock on the door and enter.

Bradley lifted himself up and off of the chair. He turned to the sound and pushed a smile onto his face, bringing up a hand in an offer to shake. "Hello," he said, "I'm Bradley James, the new history teacher."

Suddenly he heard a gasp, and then the semi-strangled sound of someone trying to hold back tears. He frowned, retracting his proffered hand. "Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah," a familiar voice responded in a tone that resembled someone trying to swallow a large amount of emotion, "I'm fine."

What the-? Bradley's thoughts pounder through his head. He knew that voice, somehow, even though he had never met a 'Colin Morgan' before in his life. He knew that the voice was the deepest of blues from four words, full of everything he'd ever associated with the color and its sensations- depth, stability, trust, loyalty, wisdom, confidence, intelligence, faith, and truth. A confused "Do I know you?" escaped his lips before he could think.

A pause, a moment of hesitation, before Colin's familiar voice answered. "No, I don't think so," Colin responded, but his tone was slightly off. Something wasn't exactly right here, Bradley was convinced, and he wanted to find out what was happening. That meant gaining Colin's trust, so he adopted a smile onto his face, feeling the corners of his lips turn up, and stretched out a hand again. "Sorry, I guess I confused your voice with someone else's. It's nice to meet you."

***

Merlin nearly sobbed, both in sorrow and in relief, when he saw the man Gwen was introducing him to. Arthur had been reincarnated so many times before, as had all their friends throughout history, but there were two things different this time.  This was the first time Merlin had found all of Arthur's court reincarnated at once and in their same bodies since their first life, which was all so long ago. Arthur had always been by his side in some body or another, but it had never been the same. Arthur's personality was off as was his body in every reincarnation. Merlin also never seemed to meet him at the right time in each reincarnation's life.  Once it was a forty-year-old brunette French Prince, another it was a twelve-year-old asian street rat, another an elderly man of Afrik descent, and over 1500 years he'd seen everything else in between.

So when he saw the man he'd known, he'd served, he'd almost died for, he'd been kidnapped and tortured for, he'd believed in, he'd protected, he'd buried, and he'd loved beyond description, it was a miracle that he didn't fall to his knees in front of his prince and sob his heart out, begging for forgiveness for letting him die so many times. This was Arthur, was his soul and body, no matter what thin guise of a different name he wore.

This would be the one who would be able to remember without dying, would be able to hold memories of both lives and not go catatonic. The others were flawed, we're not the whole essence of Arthur. Some came closer than others but none were the perfect reincarnation that this 'Bradley' was.

Bradley frowned, asked, "Are you okay?", and the normally mellowed-out Merlin nearly squealed with joy. Somehow he managed to keep it in- no point in freaking out Gwen and Arthur (or Bradley and Angel- they were the same people) before they were ready.

"Yeah," he said breathlessly, resisting the urge to leap forward and hug Arthur, "I'm fine." No, he wasn't. He'd missed Arthur _so_ much, and seeing him, the _true_ him, for the first time in millenia nearly broke his fragile façade of normalcy.

Arthur's brows scrunched together as if he was trying to figure something out. "Do I know you?" popped out of his mouth, and in that moment Merlin just knew he wasn't ready yet, despite the excitement that was building up in his bones. He didn't know why yet- it was just his magical instincts kicking in for the first time since the beginning of the conversation.

He pulled on a face of polite confusion and assumed a neutral tone of voice. He had fantastic acting skills due to fifteen hundred years of honing the talent. The only person who could see through his guise was Arthur, and only on rare occasions. " No, I don't think so."

Bradley smiled and held out a hand. "Sorry, I guess I confused your voice with someone else's. It's nice to meet you. "

That's when Merlin realized that there was something a bit different about Arthur this time around. From the way he held out his hand slightly to the side of Merlin, and the way that his eyes didn't track movement, Merlin realized he was blind.

This might be a bit harder than expected.


	2. In this world full of people there's only one that I need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin wished he could tell Trent the truth but he'd learned the hard way what happened when the moment of Synchronization hit the reincarnations, what happened to their bodies and minds. In fact, that's why Gwen (Jade Riley in this life) had died this around. It had been an accident, but when she and Merlin were getting mugged on the way home from the grocery store she had triggered a memory and her brain had fizzled out. Merlin had disguised the autopsy with magic, making them believe that she had died because of a blow to the head by the now-dead mugger instead of her learning the truth. The stress on her brain had killed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so we're going to alternate timelines. Some chapters will be present day where Bradley/Merlin is unfolding, and others will be their past lives.
> 
> Chapter title is from "Something I Need" by OneRepublic.
> 
> Jade Riley- Gwen  
> Trent Walker- Arthur  
> Roger Jones- Merlin

_*~*~*_

_"I've wasted my nights,_

_You turned out the lights_

_Now I'm paralyzed._

_Still stuck in that time_

_When we called it love_

_But even the sun sets in paradise..."_

_-Maroon 5_ , Payphone

_*~*~*_

 

** A Hundred Years Ago **

Merlin stood over yet another one of Gwen's graves, a wreath of white roses clenched between his trembling hands and tears threatening to flood out. For now he was keeping everything in, his face a sculpted white mask, but his lips was starting to quiver and he knew he couldn't hold it in for much longer.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, Roger," Trent said as he turned to look over his shoulder at the half-Arab reincarnation of Arthur. Trent was a lot like the original Arthur, especially in the fact that he was a soldier, a loyal fighter who was not afraid to spend forever in trenches if it meant Britain victorious. But this time the main difference was that Trent Walker wasn't afraid to appear weak and sensitive- many of the soldiers in their squadron had come to him with their sorrows and woes.

Merlin turned around, feeling Trent's arms encircle his, and buried his face into Trent's large shoulder, muffling his sobs. Yes, he and Trent had gotten together in the trenches, and the officer had ignored it all as he couldn't begrudge them their little slice of happiness in a world that threatened to break them. Merlin had told Trent and all the soldiers stories about King Arthur every night, and eventually one day during patrol Trent had confessed that he was slowly falling in love with 'Roger's' stories.

Merlin wished he could tell Trent the truth but he'd learned the hard way what happened when the moment of Synchronization hit the reincarnations, what happened to their bodies and minds. In fact, that's why Gwen (Jade Riley in this life) had died this around. It had been an accident, but when she and Merlin were getting mugged on the way home from the grocery store she had triggered a memory and her brain had fizzled out. Merlin had disguised the autopsy with magic, making them believe that she had died because of a blow to the head by the now-dead mugger instead of her learning the truth. The stress on her brain had killed her.

Merlin eventually broke away from Trent's hug, wiping tears off of his face, and leaned over Gwen's grave to place the wreath of white. He had been careful to conjure them up when he hadn't been around Trent- the most surefire way to trigger a memory was by letting someone witness magic.

"Good bye again, Gwen," he whispered, careful not to let Trent hear him, "I wish you a good next life." He had no idea when she'd next show up- he only knew that Arthur was always there, every time- destiny always drew them together. He was so close, yet so out of reach.

Then he let Trent walk him away from the graveyard and back to their flat. Merlin knew he would never visit this grave again- he never did.


	3. Seeing You Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suddenly he felt hands on his, ones with long, slender fingers and light calluses on the palms, and they quietly guided his hands up to a face. He felt carefully, gently, holding his breath, and found an interesting face. Angular, well-defined features, with prominent checkbones. He brushed a hand over thick, soft hair that was somewhere between curly and wavy, and large ears, but nearly froze when his fingertips met full, slightly chapped lips. He continued, however, his fingers tracing down Colin's cheek, halting to run over a long scar. He soon dropped his hands. He let out a breath, suddenly realizing that he'd been holding it this entire time.

_*~*~*_

_"I might have to wait_

_I'll never give up_

_I guess it's half timing_

_And the other half's luck_

_Wherever you are_

_Whenever it's right_

_You come out of nowhere and into my life..."_

_-Michael Buble_ , I Just Haven't Met You Yet

_*~*~*_

 

They walked down the hallway, Colin in leading Aithusa and thus, by extension, Bradley. At first Bradley had been shocked to see how easily Aithusa followed Colin, but after a little while of listening to Colin's voice he understands.

Colin's voice is different from anyone's he's ever heard before. Average in pitch and volume, but it has little things that anyone else wouldn't pick up as easily as someone who is blind. Colin's voice is full of depth, like he's known far more than anyone else their age. When he laughs it's a full sound, happy and healthy, but there's a slightly weary taint to it. His tone is one that Bradley could only describe as 'wise', though the words that pour out of Colin's mouth are so incredibly ordinary he would almost be forced to dismiss Colin as a simpleton at first glance.

Ugh, there it was again. Random old-fashioned words such as 'simpleton' would pop into his head at odd times. It was probably just a side effect on his field of study and how much time he spent focused on history, but it still bothered him a little bit.

"Here's your classroom, Bradley," Colin said, and Bradley heard the happy lilt to Colin's voice that signified that he was smiling at the same time that he heard the lock unclicking and the door opening.

The smell hit him first- musty from being shut up all summer, yet with a hint of freshness as he heard Colin running somewhere and the distinctive sound of a window opening.

"So, Bradley," Colin's voice said as he walked back, the blue tones deepening in his voice,  overpowering the carefree attitude he'd adopted up until now. His voice had become far more comfortable in the past few minutes since that first initial encounter, almost as if he was slipping into the role of an old trusted friend, "You're blind."

Bradley was slightly surprised, but it was a pleasant kind of surprise. Most people avoided the topic once they knew about it as if it was too sensitive for ordinary conversation, yet still tried their best to help him out, and it frustrated him as it made him feel like a helpless invalid. Colin had just brought it up as casually as if he was saying 'you're wearing blue'.

"Yeah," he said defensively, "What's it to you?"

"I used to have a blind friend," Colin said, a slightly nervous lilt coming into his voice, "She once asked me if she could touch my face, if she could 'see' my features. She said she wanted a better picture of me. Do you want to?"

Bradley had no idea how to respond. The offer was abrupt and unexpected, and certainly would feel a bit weird as he had just met Colin, but then again he was a curious on what Colin looked like. All he'd gotten about Colin from their (mostly one-sided) conversation as they'd walked down the hallway was that he was about twenty-four, two years younger than Bradley, and that he was from some small town on the border of Wales and England. Colin's voice came from around his height above the ground so he had a pretty good idea of how tall he was, but other than that he knew nothing other than the color of his voice. He wanted to know more, even if he wasn't entirely sure why. So it wasn't that much of a surprise when he said, "Sure, why not?"

Suddenly he felt hands on his, ones with long, slender fingers and light calluses on the palms, and they quietly guided his hands up to a face. He felt carefully, gently, holding his breath, and found an interesting face. Angular, well-defined features, with prominent checkbones. He brushed a hand over thick, soft hair that was somewhere between curly and wavy, and large ears, but nearly froze when his fingertips met full, slightly chapped lips. He continued, however, his fingers tracing down Colin's cheek, halting to run over a long scar. He soon dropped his hands. He let out a breath, suddenly realizing that he'd been holding it this entire time.

"You have an...interesting face, Colin," He said, "Quite nice cheekbones, if I might say so myself." Suddenly an even greater urge to find out about Colin burned in his chest. He wanted to know more, to _see_ Colin as much as possible. He had no idea why, but the feeling was strong, almost...primal, as if it was ingrained in his very being. It was a strange, alien feeling. Why was this Colin Morgan so interesting? Why did Bradley care so much about finding out more about a man he had only known for a few minutes, and in those few minutes he'd only displayed signs of being anything but serious, of being the kind of person Bradley normally avoided?

***

It felt so strange to have Arthur run his hands over his face with such carefulness and gentleness. The touch was almost tender, feather-like against his rapidly warming skin. His magic threatened to break out, drawn to Arthur's touch, but Merlin kept it in, restraining it beneath the surface. That wasn't too hard- he had plenty of experience with that (a thousand and five hundred years of it, to be exact). The more pressing matter, however, was the urge to jump Arthur and kiss him until neither of them could breathe. _That_  urge took all of Merlin's willpower to contain.

Instead he just watched the look of concentration on Arthur's face as he ran his ghosting fingers over Merlin's features. Arthur nibbled at his lip as he carefully 'saw' Merlin's face, sucking in a breath. After a few agonizing yet amazing seconds (because this was his Arthur, his hands and his heat), Arthur finally withdrew his hands and let out the breath he had been holding. Merlin let one out as well, and for a moment was glad that Arthur couldn't see as a shudder shook his body as he released the magic he'd been holding in. His eyes flashed and his fingers glowed for a moment before fading.

"You have an interesting face, Colin," Arthur said, "Quite nice cheekbones, if I might say so myself."

Merlin had to resist the urge to laugh that _this_ was what Arthur had chosen to comment on. Not the scar from the rogue wyvern he'd tracked down a couple weeks back, not the almost comically large ears, not the thick hair, and not the lips- the cheekbones that Arthur himself had, in one of his Middle Ages reincarnations, referred to as "kicking off".

Instead he merely smiled. "Thanks, A-Bradley," He corrected himself smoothly. Normally it only took one time making the mistake of calling a reincarnation Arthur to remember the name of the current reincarnation. 


	4. Kismet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suddenly he heard the door open behind him and he felt his frayed magic calm, the edges soothed by a familiar soul's presence. He turned and saw a man and a woman walk into the bar. He dismissed the man immediately, his eyes drawn to the woman with him. She had pale skin and golden hair twisted into a braid, and was dressed in a plain gown. His eyes met her green ones and he knew who this was, the name whispering through his mind- Morgana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kismet:  
> 1\. Fate; destiny
> 
> Hey, guys! I'm going to start hiding hints in the modern day chapters of what past reincarnation I'm going to do next. The last one was kind of obvious, but not all of them will be.
> 
> Oh, and I'll put the name of whatever reincarnation Merlin, Arthur, and whoever else shows up in the past are on at the beginning of each past chapter.
> 
> Ryan Dillon- Arthur  
> Alfred Hopkins- Merlin  
> Eliza Granger- Morgana

_*~*~*_

_"_ _Oh, coloured crimson in my eyes_

_One or two could free my mind_

_This is how it ends._

_I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream_

_Fading out again._

_I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream_

_So tell me when it kicks in..."_

_-Ed Sheeran,_ Bloodstream

_*~*~*_

 

1465

Merlin dropped another empty bottle down on the tavern counter, finally feeling the alcohol taking the edge off of the pain. Every moment he spent without _someone_ from Camelot was painful. His magical energy ached to feel a soul of Camelot again, whether it be a minor knight or Arthur himself. If he was miserable in the time he spent waiting for an Arthur to come along, he was downright inconsolable in the time spent without anyone.

Suddenly he heard the door open behind him and he felt his frayed magic calm, the edges soothed by a familiar soul's presence. He turned and saw a man and a woman  walk into the bar. He dismissed the man immediately, his eyes drawn to the woman with him. She had pale skin and golden hair twisted into a braid, and was dressed in a plain gown. His eyes met her green ones and he knew who this was, the name whispering through his mind- _Morgana_.

Now, the question now was whether this was one of her good reincarnations or one of her evil ones. Merlin reached out with his magic, not even needing a spell for such acts anymore, and felt for the edges of her soul. It glowed brightly, and he smiled. This was one of her well-meaning reincarnations.

Nerves dulled by the drink, he walked over to her. "Hullo," he said, introducing himself to the couple, "I am Alfred, a traveling minstrel. I would like to buy you two a drink if you would do me the honor of speaking with me for a minute."

Morgana's reincarnation smiled as her husband? Brother? nodded. "Of course, young sirrah," he said, and stretched out a hand, "Harold Granger," he introduced himself, "And this is Eliza, my sister."

Merlin hid a smile as he led the two of them over to the bar and ordered them some drinks. Then he pressed his lips into a straight line and turned to face the siblings. "So," he said, "Where are you from?"

"Good old London town, my friend," Harold said, accepting his drink from the bartender. He drank deeply from the glass of alcohol, not realizing that Merlin was studying him. This one was a simple man, not too bright but hardworking as evidenced by the heavy calluses on his hand and the dirt buried under his fingernails.

"But you're from Ealdor, eh, Master Alfred?" Morgana- now Eliza- asked, a twinkle in her eyes. 

Merlin nearly choked on his drink as he turned to look at Eliza. " How'd you know that?" He asked, a hint of accusation burning through the slur of alcohol.

"You accent is quite distinctive, Master Alfred," Eliza replied, picking up her glass of alcohol from the counter. A familiar smirk crept onto her face, replacing the innocent look from before with an expression that said 'I dare you to cross me'. Merlin knew that look well- Morgana had often thrown it at Arthur and Uther during the time he'd first known her, before she'd turned evil.

He nodded, refraining from answering as he was distracted by Francis, the bartender, walking up with a small, dark figure behind him. Merlin's heart thumped as Francis gestured the figure forward, revealing a teenaged boy. "Alfred, this is Ryan, our new help," Francis said, introducing the sixteen-year-old boy to Merlin, who secretly owned the bar.

But nothing mattered as the boy looked up and Merlin found Arthur's blue eyes situated in the face of a young brunette boy.


	5. In The Madness And Soil Of That Sad Earthly Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Many images flickered past, all colorful and some featuring people Bradley had never known but seemed familiar, dressed in all kinds of clothing and of all races, but all of the fleeting moments contained that young man from the first image, the handsome one with the startling blue eyes.  
> Seeing these things for the first time in Bradley's life awakened something deep within him, a hunger for more color and images that he knew he wouldn't be able to see when he woke up. It a deep yearning, almost like magic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from "Take Me To Church" by Hozier.  
> Tom Ellis- Cenred  
> Santiago Cabrera- Lancelot
> 
> Hey y'all! So I'm sure any of you guys who have read "I Was Looking For A Breath Of Life" (my other Merthur fic) have noticed that I'm horrible at fluff, so you'll be seeing some time skips during which you'll have to assume something happened instead of me trying to write out what happened.
> 
> Also, whoever manages to guess what Era the next past reincarnation will be I'll write a haiku to.
> 
> Kudos to SlytherinPirate for the idea!

**_*~*~*_ **

**_After a year or two, it came to pass that the king’s son rode through the forest and passed by the tower. Then he heard a song, which was so charming that he stood still and listened._ **

**_*~*~*_ **

_"You used to captivate me by your resonating light_

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

_Your face—it haunts my once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice—it chased away all the sanity in me..."_

_-Evanescence,_ My Immortal

_*~*~*_

 

*time skip*

After showing Arthur around the room and engaging him in mindless small chat, Merlin led the the new teacher and his seeing-eye dog back to the office, where he reintroduced Arthur to Gwen and let them hit it off. It had been tiring trying to keep his emotions in check while with Arthur, and he needed a break from the storm of emotions brewing inside his head.

He knocked on the open door to the principal's office. "Anything you need, John?" He asked the light brown-haired, glasses-waring man. He remembered the first day he had met the man- it had been interesting to find that the Great Dragon had reincarnated for the first time. Merlin wasn't sure that his Dragonlord ability still worked, and he hadn't tried to test it recently either. He wouldn't ever anyway, unless there was an emergency.

The principal peered over the top of his wire-rimmed glasses. "Oh, nothing much, Colin. Is the young Mr. James settled in yet?" Merlin nodded, and the principal gave the ghost of a smile. "Alright, then. Now, you're ready for the new school year, correct?"

"Yeah, John," Merlin replied, and waited for his dismissal.

"Good," John said, nodding. He cleared his throat, pausing, before continuing, "Colin, you wouldn't mind doing me a favor, would you?"

Merlin cocked his head, raising an eyebrow. "Depends. What is it?"

"Would you mind coming in on the day before school starts to show another new teacher around? You remember how Ms. Guillory passed away last year and so we need a new P.E. Teacher, correct?" John waited for Merlin to nod before continuing, "Well, we've hired a new teacher to replace her. Tom Ellis, I believe his name is. I'll have his file sent to you this evening so you can acquaint yourself with his background. Does that sound alright to you?"

Merlin nodded, anxious to get away and back to his flat, one that he shared with Santiago Cabrera, the school's other P.E. teacher and the reincarnation of Lancelot du Lac.

***

Bradley was picked up by Eoin and they returned home, where he was subjected to an interrogation by his half-sister Katie, while Eoin and Tom Hopper, Katie's boyfriend, watched with amused expressions. Eoin, for once, was completely happy to be quiet and kick back if it meant being able to see his best friend get ripped into by his sister.

"So, Bradley," Katie said as they were winding down. Bradley reached out and grabbed a roll from where they always were. All his life his family, and eventually his friends, had set out the table the exact same way- bread always in one spot, vegetables in another, main entrée in another, and all ladles and spatulas in the same spot. It had become second nature for everyone, even Tom, who had only been with them for a year and a half, "Did you meet anyone special today?"

Bradley could hear the sly quality to her voice, the heightened emphasis on the words 'anyone special'. This was the question she always bugged him with at the end of every meal, and for the first time in a very long time he wasn't entirely sure what his answer was. Sure, the implication of the word 'special' was romantic-wise, and he didn't think he was interested in Colin that way. However, there _was_ something special about Colin that he couldn't quite describe, something unique and different. 

But either way, he knew better than to bring it up to Katie- like any good sister, she wouldn't let him hear the end of it. So instead he just replied, "No," and ate the rest of his roll.

 

Later that night Bradley went to bed, expecting another dreamless night, but instead he received a strange mix of dreams, filled with strange things that formed what he somehow knew were colors and lines and shapes and people, rather than just sound and smell and touch like normal.

There was a man with black (the color of night and grief and Father's voice) hair and twinkling icy blue (the color of ice water and the sky and Colin's voice) eyes with an innocent smile- oh, so that was what a smile looked like- on his face. He was wearing a red (the color of blood and love and Eoin's voice) neckerchief and a blue (deeper, the color of the ocean and truth and an old voice from memory, one he could barely remember) tunic. He had sharp cheekbones and large ears, almost like Colin, and he was so handsome.

So Bradley was surprised when the words " _Mer_ lin, you idiot," came out of his own mouth, "I have armor for you to clean."

"Of course, you prat," the young man said, his lips turning up into a- oh, what would you call it- smirk.

Then everything swirled, disappearing into the blindingly white (the color of innocence and the burn of freezing snow and the feel of skin against his) of the young man's teeth.

Many images flickered past, all colorful and some featuring people Bradley had never known but seemed familiar, dressed in all kinds of clothing and of all races, but all of the fleeting moments contained that young man from the first image, the handsome one with the startling blue eyes, but under so many names and costumes. 

Seeing these things for the first time in Bradley's life awakened something deep within him, a hunger for more color and images that he knew he wouldn't be able to see when he woke up. It a deep yearning, almost like magic.

***

Merlin got home and threw his jacket up over its hook beside the front door, kicking off his shoes before heading into his little office, a walk in closet that had been outfitted with a chair and desk for his laptop. He snapped open his laptop without sitting down and while he was waiting for it to load he went and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. He unscrewed the cap and drank deeply from it as he walked back to his desk and sat down. He clicked on the 'Gmail' icon and opened up the email from John.

His eyes widened in horror as he saw Tom Ellis' photo, and he had to resist the urge to punch a wall. Not Cenred- it couldn't be.

The only time Merlin had ever failed to protect Arthur had been on their way back from seeing 'Love's Labours Lost' at the Globe during the last time Cenred had reincarnated. The experience haunted him to this very day, reminding him of what could happen if he didn't constantly pay attention, didn't constantly keep vigilance. He'd sworn never to let down his guard again.

Because the last time Cenred had reincarnated, he'd attacked and nearly killed Arthur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, Cenred's back, and he's brought the plot with him!
> 
> Also, I know the dream sequence was described crappily, but I tried my best to describe what are actually memories of color being seen by a blind man for the first time. Sorry if it wasn't up to par.


	6. Falling To The Depths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's magic shot up beneath his skin, and as the man turned to look at him he recognized the man- Cenred, broken and insane. Why, Merlin did not know, but it didn't matter. Words flowed in an unbroken stream over his lips, spell after spell of devastating accuracy and power aimed at this man who had hurt his Daniel, his Arthur reincarnate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ingrid- Gwen  
> Daniel Craig- Arthur  
> Harold 'Harry' Reid- Merlin
> 
> So yeah, no one guessed. I was a bit disappointed, but finally broke down and decided to publish this chapter anyway. 
> 
> Trigger warning- rape/ non con in this chapter.

_*~*~*_

_"Falling in the black_

_Slipping through the cracks_

_Falling to the depths can I ever go back_

_Dreaming of the way it used to be_

_Can you hear me?_

_Falling in the black..."_

_-Skillet_ , Falling In The Black

_*~*~*_

 

Shakespearean England

Merlin and Daniel, who was Arthur's reincarnation this time around, were on their way back from the Globe after seeing Love's Labours Lost. They weren't together romantically yet, but after the great night they had had there was a very good chance of it happening. The night was young, they were both happy, and romance was in the air. Merlin felt free, better than he had felt in many years.

That's when Merlin made his mistake.

"Here, Daniel," He said to the olive-skinned Jewish man, "I'll go get us some drinks. Ye mind waiting right here for me?"

Daniel grinned. "Ye go, Harry, and get thy drinks. I'll wait for ye right here. Get back here soon, though- we don't want to miss thy friend Ingrid's show tonight, aye?"

Merlin grinned back and left to go to the tavern and get them some alcohol.

 

Merlin exited the tavern about fifteen minutes later to find Daniel gone. He cursed- why hadn't he kept an eye on the wayward actor? He'd known that Daniel had a habit of wandering off, as in this reincarnation he preferred to avoid staying in one place for too long, but fifteen minutes should have been a short enough amount of time for Daniel to stay in one place.

Merlin looked up and down the alleys for about five minutes, worried out of his mind, before remembering he had magic. He cursed again and cast a locator spell. Such enchantments were normally unreliable at best, but Merlin could always find his Arthur ever since he'd perfected the spell back in the 1200s. 

He was led by the spell down a few streets caked in piss and crap and around a few corners until he reached a dark alley. He saw two dark figures at the end of it and he ran down its length to find an unconscious Daniel crumpled on the ground, clothing torn and body bloodied and bruised, with a pale man leering over top of him, clearly just finished doing...the unspeakable.

Merlin's magic shot up beneath his skin, and as the man turned to look at him he recognized the man- Cenred, broken and insane. Why, Merlin did not know, but it didn't matter. Words flowed in an unbroken stream over his lips, spell after spell of devastating accuracy and power aimed at this man who had hurt his Daniel, his Arthur reincarnate.

Everything went red for a moment, the pounding of his blood roaring in his ears, before settling back to normal. He found the body of Cenred's reincarnation charred beyond recognition, undeniably dead. Keeping his magic simmering directly beneath his skin, Merlin jogged over and picked up Daniel, gently cradling him in his arms. Thank goodness Arthur's reincarnation was somewhat small this time around, or else Merlin would have had to levitate his body. Not that Merlin would have cared one way or another, but it was just slightly easier to move through the streets back to his flat without having to worry about being caught and accused of witchcraft. He remembered the last time that had happened, barely repressing a shudder- it had been horrific.

One thing was for sure- they would not be going to Gwen's show tonight.


	7. No Freedom In This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I remember, you worthless sorcerer," Cenred's voice hissed into his ear, "I've always remembered. I was born remembering what you'd done the last time we met, how you killed me without a second thought in order to save that boy. I remember you, looking exactly the same, with Arthur back in Camelot. And I also remember a device Morgause had spoken of that could be used against male sorcerers- twin cuffs of silver and iron, which can be used to bind a sorcerer's magic. They are said to rip away at the frayed edges of a sorcerer's magic, thus causing pain beyond belief, and I can think of no one more deserving of such a fate than you, my little warlock."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The trap isn't for Arthur. It is for you."  
> -Anhora  
> What does that mean? That's for you to decide.
> 
> (In other words, YAY, I'm evil!)

_*~*~*_

_"A breakin' my back just to know your name_

_But heaven ain't close in a place like this_

_Anything goes but don't blink, you might miss_

_'Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this_

_I said heaven ain't close in a place like this..."_

_-The Killers_ , Somebody Told Me

_*~*~*_

 

The day before school started, Bradley was working in his classroom to get all his stuff in on time when he heard the door open. 

"Hey, Bradley?" Colin's voice said. Bradley turned towards the voice, pleasantly surprised to hear the Literature teacher's voice. He could hear the impending question in Colin's tone.

"Oh, hey, Colin," Bradley greeted his colleague, curling his lips up into a smile, "What do you want to ask me?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to have tea after I show around the other new teacher, Tom Ellis," Colin asked. Bradley could hear the smile in his voice, but there was also the slightest sense of urgency. It perplexed Bradley for a moment, but he put the slight taint in Colin's voice down to a bit of social desperation, though the little voice in the back of his head wondered why Colin would be desperate to ask him out for tea.

"Sure, Colin," he said. This would be a way to learn more about the strangely familiar man he was to work with.

"Thanks, Bradley," Colin said, and Bradley could hear a strange mixture of relief and happiness in the man's voice. He listened curiously as the Literature teacher walked out, and if Bradley was not mistaken Colin's footsteps sounded lighter going out than they had going in.

***

Merlin's tour with Tom had been going well. The man seemed polite. Though he was not necessarily the nicest man in the world (he didn't smile, keeping a straight face), anything was better than his last reincarnation. He'd listened to Merlin, making few comments, but when he had spoken up it had been at an appropriate time.

He'd already guided Tom through most of the building when the new teacher had asked to be directed to the restroom. Merlin had helpfully obliged, distracted by thoughts of Arthur. 

Suddenly he was shoved up against the wall, his arm twisted behind him. Faster than he could physically move, energy surged up beneath his skin, raging to meet Cenred's hand and blast him away, but was met with the touch of cold, sharp metal. He gasped as the pain reached his head, both physical and magical. His magic was being slowly leeched away, taken from him and sucked into an endless void...

"I remember, you worthless sorcerer," Cenred's voice hissed into his ear, "I've always remembered. I was born remembering what you'd done the last time we met, how you killed me without a second thought in order to save that boy. I remember you, looking exactly the same, with Arthur back in Camelot. And I also remember a device Morgause had spoken of that could be used against male sorcerers- twin cuffs of silver and iron, which can be used to bind a sorcerer's magic. They are said to rip away at the frayed edges of a sorcerer's magic, thus causing pain beyond belief, and I can think of no one more deserving of such a fate than you, my little warlock."

Merlin's hopes were close to being destroyed. He'd been so close to bringing back Arthur, but now he had to stop Cenred instead. Merlin could hear the insanity in Cenred's voice, the breaks in his soul, and who knew what else Cenred had in store, what he had planned?

"Now, warlock, you should listen closely if you don't want me to kill your little prince. You will do exactly as I wish without question, or everyone you love will die. Understand?"

"Yes," Merlin breathed, the word painful to speak. How could this insignificant mortal, no longer even a King, have managed to trick him like this, to force him into this position of surrender?

"Now, my little warlock," Cenred said, and slammed his fist into Merlin's stomach while he simultaneously dug his fingernails into Merlin's arm so hard it was sure to leave purple-blue marks. Merlin's body hunched over, searching for air, but was prevented, "This is what you are to do..."

***

"Hello, Bradley," Colin said, followed by the scrape of his chair backwards as he slid into it.

Bradley could hear the pain in Colin's voice that afternoon when they met for tea. It was well disguised- anyone other than him wouldn't have noticed- but it was definitely there, a deep, biting pain. Colin was a great actor, Bradley had to give him that, but he saw (or rather 'heard') through the Literature teacher's façade.

But what was stranger than that was the fact that Bradley _recognized_ Colin's tone. It was as familiar as the touch of Aithusa's soft fur brushing up against his leg, a familiar presence at his side. An old sound, long forgotten, floated up through his consciousness.

_"Some men are born to plow fields, some live to be great physicians, others to be great kings. Me? I was born to serve you, Arthur, and I'm proud of that, and I wouldn't change a thing."_

Bradley's lip trembled. Another ghost floating through his head, another dream lost in the Inferno raging inside of his mind.


	8. Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So people's have been complaining about a lack of magical battling, that Merlin seems like some all powerful immortal being. He is not. Let me repeat- he is NOT.
> 
> And oh yes, my pupils, I am not above blatant fan service. Case in point- may I introduce Blaidd drwg?
> 
> Characters:  
> Percival "Percy" ap Duran ap Gareth- Arthur  
> Duran ap Gareth ap William aka "the Lord of the Castle"- Uther  
> Mark of Ivingston- Merlin

_"When you're young_

_Life's a dream_

_It's a beautiful and a burning thing_

_And we grow up_

_And then it's gone_

_But the memory goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on..."_

_-The Band Perry_ , Don't Let Me Be Lonely

 

1396

Dante Alighieri- a name that, just like Arthur's, Merlin knew would be remembered long in the minds of men.

Merlin had just read the Inferno. Though it had been written in 1317, it had taken awhile to reach Merlin, and once he had gotten it he set upon it like a wolf upon sheep. Merlin had developed an unquenchable hunger for books and words of all types after just a couple of reincarnations- the words told of faraway places and magic and myth, all of which Merlin soaked up into his ever growing store of knowledge.

The three part story- better known as _the Divine Comedy_ \- told of a man's spiritual journey through hell, purgatory, and heaven. It was quite descriptive, and many of the creatures described in Dante's tale sounded almost scarily similar to the ones Merlin had faced over the ages.

Like the three-headed poisonous dog he was chasing down the corridors of the Lord's castle he was currently working at, for instance.  _Blaidd drwg_ , its name was in the Ancient tongue- a curious name, as it translated to Bad Wolf. It made a twisted sort of sense- in a way, the dog that looked like the Guardian of the Underworld in one of the Elder Religions should be labeled something as fear-inducing as the monstrous animal that mother's warned their small children of.

But back to Merlin. He was running through the corridors, chasing madly after a wildly energetic _Blaidd drwg_ pup (this one hadn't reached full levels of terror yet), his jacket torn and a grin on his face. This is what he lived for (other than Arthur, of course)- the adventures catching the magical creatures, being able to use his magic freely for the Lord of the Castle in order to clean up the pests.

It had been going okay- well, a _Blaidd drwg_ pup had escaped, but still that was nowhere near the horrible things Merlin has had to deal with in the past- when out of nowhere the _Blaidd drwg_ had put on a sudden burst of speed and for just a moment had gotten out of Merlin's line of sight, melting into the shadows. He groaned and did the same, speeding up and turning the corner after the pup before abruptly having to stop seconds later, barely managing not to trip over the small boy who was crouched over, the dog in his arms.

He looked up at Merlin, who was a bit unsteady as he tried to right himself. "Oi, g'day, Ivingston," The five year old Scottish boy said, running his pudgy little fingers through the dog's fur. The boy didn't seem that bothered by the fact that the dog had three heads.

"Hello, Percy," He said with a smile as he crouched down next to the boy, once again reminded of the irony of Arthur's reincarnation being named after one of his most loyal nights. He reached forward and ruffled Percy's bright red hair. Merlin was, according to Percy, the son of the Lord of the Castle, Percy's best friend. Percy didn't care about the fact that Merlin was twenty years older than he was (at least, that was how oldeveryone thought he was)- he was infatuated with all the stories Merlin could tell. They were stories of adventure and dragons and damsels in distress, always featuring Percy prominently as a heroic Prince and Merlin as his faithful servant. They were completely fictional, though Percy loved them nonetheless. He loved the idea of himself as a hero who traveled the land of Albion and performed deeds of Valor and honor.

(Okay, so Merlin admitted he might have put a _bit_  of truth in his stories. He just couldn't resist.)

Percy looked up at Merlin with wide, pleading eyes. "Can we keepeth him? Please? We can leaveth him in thy rooms. I will taketh care of him if needed, Ivingston."

Merlin knew he couldn't resist the child's blue eyes. He nodded, biting his lip anyway as he knew that keeping a Blaidd drwg pup would take a lot of work, especially once it grew up.

He stood up, muttering to himself as he left the innocent boy sitting on the ground,  playing with the dog. "Heaven help us when it all goes to hell."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The little street rat is coming next past chapter, and I'm so excited!  
> Oh, and on another note, someone else is about to have their Deja vu moment and remember the past, but it may not be who you expect. Put guesses in the comments below, and the haiku offer stands for that as well if you get it right!  
> (Hint: it's a character that has already been mentioned, and before you say "Arthur", it's not!


	9. Do You Remember Me Now?

_***~*~*** _

_**The king’s son wanted to climb up to her, and looked for the door of the tower, but none was to be found. He rode home, but the singing had so deeply touched his heart, that every day he went out into the forest and listened to it.** _

_***~*~*** _

_"It starts with pain_

_Followed by hate_

_Fueled by the endless questions_

_No one can answer_

_A stain_

_Covers your heart_

_Tears you apart just like a sleeping cancer..."_

-World So Cold

_*~*~*_

Merlin could see that Arthur was experiencing some kind of flashback- a bead of sweat was forming on his brow and his lips were trembling as he held in a breath, obviously trying to hold onto some memory. Merlin knew instinctively that this was what was happening - they'd already been through it so many times before. Despite his pain, hope flared in his aching chest. He leaned forward, reflexes taking him to grasp Arthur's hand, but he froze a few inches away from Arthur's fingers, Cenred's chilling words echoing through his head. 

_"Rule Number One: you do not get into a relationship with Arthur Pendragon, " He said, pressing his fingers tightly around Merlin's neck. If he squeezed any harder then Merlin would probably pass out. Merlin could feel the man's hot, rancid breath against the back of his neck and he could barely repress a shudder. "You are mine to hurt, and if you break the agreement the King dies first, then the Knights, then the servant girl, then Morgana, and then your beloved Arthur."_

Merlin retracted his hand quickly, and was unable to keep in a hiss of pain- he'd agitated one of the bruises now decorating his body. Every part of him ached to reach out to Arthur, to counter Cenred's totures and the bruises the hateful man had left with a gentle kiss from Arthur's lips, to curl up and fall into Arthur's arms. Arthur had always been there for him, and in this most horrible and gut wrenching moment of all he couldn't even touch the man. Merlin had been the strong one for _so_ long, and when it had finally seemed like he was going to get a chance at freedom from this curse of waiting his hopes had been dashed.

"Here's your food," the waitress said, dropping off the food. Merlin had only ordered a salad (being immortal _did_ have a few benefits, one being that he didn't need to eat), and he looked down at his wrists as Arthur took a couple of bites of his fish and chips after a quick direction from Merlin on where it was.

These bracelets- cuffs would be a better description- shined dully, as they were an unpolished mottled color somewhere around charcoal gray. The very idea of them were forbidden among the magical community, as the very implications of them were horrifying. They of course prevented a sorcerer from using the very gifts that made him special which was bad enough, but their deeper purpose was even more terrible: they slowly drained the very magical core from a person, causing pain and agony beyond compare. You see, a magical core is basically the life force of a person. For some it's quite weak but for sorcerer's it was stronger, which made it all the more painful as the more magic there was to drain the more life that was taken, and in greater amounts at a time.

And for Merlin, also known as Emrys, the most powerful warlock in all of history, the agony would soon become unbearable to the point where a normal person would beg for death but Merlin couldn't get that final mercy as his immortality prevented it.

***

As Eoin was entering the restaurant, on his way to pick up Bradley (the man was quite capable, but the James-McGrath family had said a firm NO to driving) when he ran into a man who sent him sprawling to the ground. He looked up and found an olive-skinned man on the sidewalk in front of him, nursing a bump to the head. The man looked up and a look of surprise came on his face. Out of his mouth came a stuttered, "Gwaine?"

Eoin was about to correct the stranger when a memory of a name came unbidden to his lips. "Lancelot?" With that motion of his mouth, everything came flooding back. It was as if speaking that name and connecting it with a person had unlocked a floodgate in Eoin- no, Gwaine- no, Giuseppe- no- he grunted, dismissing the train of thought.

Lancelot spoke first. "Where's Arthur? Do you know, as I haven't seen him yet in this life?"

"He's in the café," Gwaine said, pushing open the door, "His name's Bradley James and he's blind."

Lancelot raised an eyebrow as they stepped in, unconsciously matching strides with each other as the Knights used to do all those years ago. "Bradley James, you say? Did he just get a job at Camelot High School?"

"Yeah, how did you know?" Gwaine asked.

"I work there as well. I'm a P.E. teacher at the school with Arthur and Colin- no, he's Merlin, isn't he?" Lancelot asked, stopping on his way down one of the aisles toward the bar, where Arthur and Merlin were most likely sitting.

Sudden, new memories assaulted Gwaine. Merlin had been there in every one of his previous lives, the same body and personality. "He's magic, isn't he?" It made so much sense now that he thought about his days in Camelot. So much made incredible sense now- and it also explained the times Merlin had saved his life throughout the centuries.

Lancelot nodded almost casually. "You knew, didn't you?" Gwaine asked accusingly. 

***

Merlin was finally smiling again, having a great time talking with Arthur for the first time in over twenty years, when a sudden bout of nausea hit him. Bile flew into his mouth and he quickly swallowed it, ignoring the acidic taste.

"I'm going to the loo, Bradley. I'll be right back," he said, barely keeping the taste of bile down.

He quickly walked to the loo, on the verge of running, and then when he got in there he really did run. He ran over to a stall, clicked the lock, knelt in front of the john, and vomited up everything he'd eaten that day. It was excruciatingly painful- every violent hack agitated the bruises on his neck. It was a miracle that he wasn't screaming by the end.

When it felt like he was finally finished he sat back, leaning heavily against the wall of the stall. It hurt, he was exhausted and starved, and the nausea was just barely being kept at bay.

He was a wreck, wasn't he? Nothing- not even someone attempting to guillotine him- had ever hurt this much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guesses on the next past life? Hint is in last sentence.  
> *waves and skips off* Ta-ta!


	10. I'll do anything for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now, he knew that would never happen. The Revolution had interrupted everything, and now he was on his way to the guillotine. He knew he wouldn't die- his body would just seal itself back together after about fifteen minutes- but he knew it would hurt. Well, at least I saved Louis, Merlin thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, sorry, I lied. No street rat yet, for those of you who were looking forward to it.
> 
> For Linorien and cas_tielle:
> 
> I can't write haikus  
> Hope you like this nonetheless  
> I like bananas
> 
> Cast:  
> Prince Louis: Arthur  
> Pierre Bonnefoy: Merlin

_*~*~*_

_"To ten million fireflies_

_I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes_

_I got misty eyes as they said farewell_

_But I'll know where several are_

_If my dreams get real bizarre_

_'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar..."_

_-Owl City,_ Fireflies

_*~*~*_

 

Years before this moment, Merlin had suddenly felt the urge to leave Britain and go to France. Now, this was not just some flight of fancy- his internal 'Arthur sensor' was pulling him there, he knew it. It was a delicate difference between those feelings connected to Arthur's reincarnations and his own whims, but he had grown used to them.

When he arrived in France a few weeks later, he received the news that the King's son had just been born a month before. He smiled when he found out- surely this time Arthur would grow into another great king, just like before.

Now, he knew that would never happen. The Revolution had interrupted everything, and now he was on his way to the guillotine. He knew he wouldn't die- his body would just seal itself back together after about fifteen minutes- but he knew it would hurt. _Well, at least I saved Louis,_ Merlin thought. 

It had been a couple weeks ago, years after his first arrival in France, when he had snuck into the palace and had saved the diseased, nearly dead Prince Louis from his tower cell. Merlin had made a copy of Louis' body and put in in there. It was the same down to the core, so that if anyone thought to examine it they would find the dead boy instead of the one who was still skinny but now thriving boy who had been healed from his illness and that was currently hiding in a run-down hut in the farmland deep in the countryside of France.

Merlin had told the child prince that he would keep him safe, but that there was not a good chance of him ever becoming King. Louis had been understanding, and frankly, the child was somewhat glad. He'd seen what had happened to the previous aristocracy and had heard of what was to become of his parents and he was okay with living a normal life. Well, not entirely normal, Merlin thought with a smile as he walked towards the platform on which the glittering guillotine blade was situated. He'd provide the child with magic and light in what was to be an otherwise hard childhood and life.

Merlin stepped up onto the platform. What was it Louis had said that morning as he'd gone off to get food?

_"Be careful, Pierre. They could hurt you for helping me," Louis said, looking up at Merlin with fearful brown eyes._

Merlin had nearly laughed at the irony. He'd spent their first life together living in constant fear of discovery- trying not to be caught was second nature to him.

_But instead of saying that, he had just leaned over and ruffled Louis' hair._

_"It'll be fine, little one. I'll be back soon. Remember, I can survive anything."_

Merlin stepped up, tipped the headsman, and put his head in the neck hole, a look of nonchalance on his face. It would hurt, but he was used to pain. Soon he would be back with Louis and they would believe him dead and therefore stop hunting him down as an ally of the throne.

Then the blade came down, and Merlin's vision went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm writing the next chapter and I was wondering: Lance/Merlin broship moment or Gwaine/Merlin broship moment?


	11. The Need to Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You know what, Merlin. Don't deny it- I saw the bruises on your neck."
> 
> "The results of a moment of passion, nothing more," Merlin said dismissively, rinsing off the soap. Gwaine was almost fooled, but he saw the slight shake in Merlin's hands as he reached forward to grab a paper towel.

_*~*~*_

_"We deceive the world with lies we hide_

_Behind the smiles_

_We can see the home of desperate hearts_

_The truth has fallen down_

_The illusion we've become_

_A fear we can't outrun_

_We're closing in our emptiness_

_We're broken..."_

_-Red,_ Glass House

_*~*~*_

 

Gwaine and Lancelot finally arrived at the bar where Arthur was sitting, fishing up the last of his chips and staring at nothing.

 _Where was Merlin?_ Gwaine wondered as he looked around for the skinny manservant. Ah- he must have gone to the restroom. 

"Hey, A-Bradley," Gwaine said, recovering quickly from his blunder, "I found a friend of M-Colin's outside of the café. He works at the school too, and when I mentioned you he said he wanted to meet you. Bradley, Santiago. Santiago, Bradley." He introduced them quickly, then followed up with, "Now, if you two don't mind I'm going to the lavatory." Then, without further explanation, he walked off, leaving behind a (he was sure) completely bewildered Arthur and an amused Lancelot, who had somewhat of an idea of what he was planning.

Gwaine sauntered into the loo with a grin on his face, happy to see one of his best friends again, and was stopped dead in his tracks by the sound of someone vomiting.

"Merlin?" He said tentatively, a sense of tension preventing him from being loud.

The vomiting sounds finally stopped, followed by a couple of quiet groans of pain and the sound of thumping down on the floor.

Gwaine took a few more steps into the lavatory. "Merlin?" He asked again, unsure if he was even right in thinking Merlin in here.

Gwaine realized with a start that he had no idea if Merlin even remembered him or not- after all, Arthur didn't even though Lancelot did.

"Who's there?" A familiar voice asked, raw and raspy.

"Gwaine," Gwaine said, choosing that name to present himself with instead of his many others. He was true friends with Merlin back then, closer than in this life or any other. That would be the name most familiar to the former manservant, the most easily remembered.

A short, semi-normal laugh, short but healthy-sounding, and the sound of Merlin shifting and getting up reached Gwaine's ears. "Haven't seen you in a couple of generations, Gwaine," Merlin's voice said, and Gwaine heard the click as he unlocked and opened the door to the stall. The familiar black-haired and big-eared manservant emerged from the stall, straightening his plaid button-down. He looked up at Gwaine, his familiar blue eyes glinting with amusement, but Gwaine could see something dark in them that hadn't existed the last time they'd met, "Isn't it strange that you were the first to remember, Sir Knight?"

"Lancelot did too, Merlin," Gwaine corrected quickly, but didn't let himself get distracted by Merlin's words. "How have you been? I heard you vomiting- are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Merlin said, brushing past Gwaine. Gwaine wasn't fooled- he could see the edge of a bruise peeking over the top of the turned-up collar of Merlin's plaid button-down. Without a word, he reached forward and pulled down on Merlin's collar. Merlin gave a gasp of pain as Gwaine's fingers grazed the bruised skin.

Suddenly Gwaine could see it all- there were bruises littering Merlin's throat. He knew from a _lot_ of experience what they were, but he had never seen so many in one place, or so dark. He only caught a glimpse before Merlin reached up and pulled the collar back over his throat, but it was enough. Gwaine wasn't always the most observant of people, but he could see that Merlin's fingers were trembling.

Anger rose in his chest at the implications. "Who did this to you?" He whispered harshly.

Merlin frowned and moved forward to wash his hands. "No one did anything, Gwaine. What are you even talking about?"

"You know what, Merlin. Don't deny it- I saw the bruises on your neck."

"The results of a moment of passion, nothing more," Merlin said dismissively, rinsing off the soap. Gwaine was almost fooled, but he saw the slight shake in Merlin's hands as he reached forward to grab a paper towel.

"You're lying, Merlin. Tell me the truth, Merlin. You can trust me- you know I won't tell. We were such good friends, Merlin. Where did that comraderie go?"

"I can't tell you," Merlin whispered bitterly, his voice raw, his true emotions showing through for the first time. For just a moment, something in Merlin's face shifted and a look of utter despair filled Merlin's face, true and terrible, but then Gwaine blinked and Merlin's face was back to what it had been before, just a slight frown as he threw away his paper towel in the trash can.

And that was when Gwaine finally caught a glance of the glinting metal hiding under the cuffs of Merlin's shirt, long and dark against the former manservant's pale skin, as Merlin flicked the paper towel away into the trash. Then Merlin's arms came back down to his sides and his sleeves fell back into place, slipping back over the edges of the cuffs.

Gwaine froze as Merlin exited the bathroom, unaware of the fact that Gwaine had seen the metal adornments on his wrists.

_What the hell was happening to his friend, that such pain was being caused to to someone only guilty of being friends with the Knights of Camelot?_

***

*time skip*

Eoin wasn't telling Bradley something, and the History teacher knew it. He could feel it in the muscles drawn taut in Eoin's arm as he brushed by into the house, and could hear it in the strained tone of Eoin's voice during the car ride home. He wasn't stupid. He could tell that there was something more to his stuttering conversation with Santiago earlier than just a feline of awkwardness- there was a tension between them, a feeling of unfinished business.

 "Eoin," he said as they entered the house, reaching out and grabbing for his best friend's arm at the last place he'd seen him, "What's going on? You're not telling me anything, and you and Colin were too quiet coming out of the loo. What happened in there?"

He could feel Eoin's muscles ripple beneath his shirt as he absent-mindedly shrugged, forgetting for a moment that Bradley was blind. That worried Bradley more than Eoin's silence earlier- Eoin _never_ forgot about Bradley's 'condition', even when he was dead drunk. The only time Eoin had forgotten before was during his mother's funeral, when he was overwhelmed by grief. "Nothing, princess. Colin just got a little sick, so I helped him out a bit. He' was just not feeling the best, nothing else."

Bradley could hear the truth in Eoin's statement, but there was still a sense that Eoin was holding something back. They were best friends- Eoin couldn't hide anything from Bradley. They could both, for lack of a better word, 'read' each other like a book. 

Nevertheless, Bradley nodded and let go of Eoin's arm. Yet another mystery to be solved- who would have though that just getting a new job would bring such Revolutions in Bradley's normal life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so not my best. I've been wanting to post this for a few days but I couldn't think of a way to write Gwaine and Merlin's encounter. I originally had Merlin telling Gwaine, but then realized that with the character I've set up for him, he wouldn't be used to trusting anyone but Arthur after so long with everyone dying and leaving him, and even then he'd be hesitant to share with Arthur. He's too used to relying on himself and only himself to get him through, so even when he's dying or being tortured or being repeatedly beaten he won't tell anyone.
> 
> But in other news, any guesses?
> 
> Also, I rewrote major sections of this. Every time they interact, Cenred hurts Merlin to nearly the point of death. Those marks are not the result of a moment of passion, they are the result of Cenred nearly strangling Merlin.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos or comments! Should I continue?


End file.
